bullet train speed

Things have been moving so quickly lately. I haven’t had any time to sit down and write anything. I’m trying to make time today despite that fact because I don’t want to go any longer without putting my thoughts down somewhere.

Lindsey and I have very little time left in Dalton. We successfully navigated (with God’s amazing provisions and miracles) the sale of the condo. All of our stuff is stored away, and we’re staying in a tiny temporary furnished apartment. We signed the lease for our new apartment in Denver last week. It’s nice to be able to have a place to picture us moving to. A place where the dogs can enjoy, a patio where we can put our swing, a fireplace where we can build fires in the winter. We selected a place with an indoor pool, sauna, hot tub, and workout room….right next to a park so the dogs will have some grass. I’m so excited that we don’t have to give up our swimming fun! God is so good to us….what a blessing to find such a nice place in a wonderful neighborhood right in the city.

I’m filled with excitement….and fear…..joy….and sadness…anticipation….and dread….most especially wonder…..wonder over the range of emotions and thoughts inside of me….wonder over the changes happening inside of me. Good changes.

I know many of the changes are still yet to come….but I’m enjoying the ones I’m going through right here…right now.

It does mean I’m awfully lost in my own thoughts and feelings lately though. Like now…I’m sitting at the end of a hallway at school…but I feel like I could look up and see just about any other surrounding because my mind is not here at school. It seems to be running through wild-flower filled fields and soaring through memories and dancing along with my music in a place of sweet bliss.

Every day I seem to say goodbye a little more, a little better, to things I’ve been so familiar with. And it feels sad, but it also feels wonderful. Like I’m smiling inside slowly and purposefully because all of me knows that this chapter is over and another one is about to begin. I’m surprised by my lack of anxiety in the midst of this sweet sadness, but it feels like the anxiety is not there because I’m ready to go through this change. And being ready goes a long way…..even if you don’t know what you’re ready for…

I had a wonderful weekend this past weekend. We took some of the youth from our church on a retreat. The last trip with the youth before the big move. It was a memorable trip….a beautiful closure….a sweet pause for me…. I got to spend time with one of my dearest friends, keri, and, because of the presence of other chaperones, was able to enjoy special time in quiet conversation with her and in my own head and with God. What a gift! Keri is such a treaure. What a blessing it is to be known and feel understood and be accepted, believed in, and valued. People like Keri have been rare in my life….people who see the potential in me, who accept that I’m not your typical person, who appreciate intricate details about me, heck…who actually see intricate details about me…..but Keri does all those things and more. I can’t even describe what a beautiful gift it is to be so believed in…so unconditionally loved. I am thankful to say the least. The other day I told one of my sisters that the only distance that truly matters is the distance you create with your heart. I hope Keri believes this…and I hope that distance never happens in our relationship.

I have homework to do. I have dogs waiting at home for me to come and let them out. So much to do, places to be. I’d like to stay lost in my thoughts though. I’m taking this to mean I need to write my thoughts out more often….at least before they get to this point where I can’t do anything without them trying to get my attention…

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