change

My mind is on change today. Good changes and bad changes. The only thing constant is change, right? Some of the changes I’m going through right now are wonderful. I see God opening new doors for growth, relationships, and truth. I feel like He is taking me to a new level in my relationship with Him.

What is that level?

I believe the only word that could best describe it is Simplicity. I feel like God is simplifying how I think in many ways. I’ve been struck lately by the difference between complicated and simple when it comes to relationships. It’s so easy for me to say, “relationships are so complicated.” I guess when you get into the depths of how communication in a relationship works and how love is shown and experienced differently by different people and how opinions and the outside world as a part or a whole affects any one relationship, being in relationship with God or any person starts to look really complicated. When I look at Christianity through the lens of how I was raised and things I’ve been taught and things that have affected me, I feel like having a relationship with God is especially complicated. I’m beginning to see things from a different angle lately though. When I read the Bible, I have a tendency to complicate the message in my mind. When I listen to a sermon or think about the words of a song I might be singing in church, I tend to complicate the message in my mind as well. But God is changing that. I’m beginning to see His love in a very simple way. I’m beginning to take His word and just look at it as simple statements of love and truth. I can’t even begin to describe the shift that this is for me because I’m sure I would complicate it. :) All I know is that once I was lost, now I’m found…that I am and always have been incredibly unbelievably astoundingly loved in a way that I can never describe, but by the grace of God can definitely accept.

I’m amazed by the peace that simplicity brings. And I’m eager to open my heart to every ounce of this new simplicity that God is teaching me.

Many positive changes I’m experiencing also bring negative side effects. I’m facing the questions….Am I willing to live my life in openness, am I willing to be true to myself, am I willing to live from the place of God’s love….despite the negative side effects?

My whole family is going through the change of losing someone we all dearly love,  my Grandpa. What a special man he is. It’s hard for me because I couldn’t afford to go to the family reunion this past summer and therefore couldn’t see him this past year. I got to talk to him on the phone though, and I keep hearing his voice telling me he loved me. I keep praying for everybody. Other than thinking about him and praying, I don’t know how else to process. I’m so emotional and very unsure of how to feel everything I’m feeling, but God is bringing me back to the simple side of things again. A place where I simply imagine every one being happy and healthy in His arms one day, and where I trust in His comfort until then.

My little charge, Ben, has been very sick this week. I’ve been here every day with him, so it’s been a tiring week thus far. I’m hoping I stay well but am also thankful I can be here for the little guy.

Thank You, Lord….because I know I really do have so much to be thankful for.

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