slowing down

So I’ve been quite sick since Wednesday. I’ve been reading about adrenal fatigue since I’m suffering pretty acutely from it, and it seems that this getting sick often and not being able to get over it quickly thing is normal when your adrenals are depleted.

I started out feeling incredibly frustrated that I couldn’t do a darn thing about the fact that I had caught some germ and was rapidly going down the path of sickness again. Of course, I was reminded of my last blog and the new mindset God has been working on in me, and though I feel terrible, the last few days have been much easier emotionally. I let go of my frustration and have just been…well…sick! I’m taking lots of vitamins and drinking lots of water and making chicken soup and trying to get lots of rest, but I’ve just been sick…feeling awful…not getting a lot done…and all the other things that go along with being sick. It doesn’t feel great, but just living in the life that I have /right now/ is great in and of itself…sick or not. Of course this is all new for me, and it’s very odd and anxiety producing at times to step out of the “comfort zone” of the way I’m used to thinking, doing life, and responding to things.

I can’t change the fact that I’m sick, though. So I figure I might as well learn from it and show up for my life despite it.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading in my “slowing down” time. I find the most amazing things to read. Some of them are articles online, and I’m reading The Lord of the Rings again, and Blue Like Jazz (by Donald Miller) in the Bible study we’re in. Today I came across some poetry on Andrew Marin’s blog that was so real and raw and mind-blowing.  You can check it out here… http://www.loveisanorientation.com/2011/electroshock-therapy/ Definitely put some of my feelings and experiences (and those of some of my friends) into words. I’m so inspired by the girl who wrote it, Karen Bowlby. She isn’t afraid to approach the stigmas that cause so many people to be shamed when they need to be loved.

So I’m sick, and I’m slowing down while I get better, and I’m feeding my brain while I’m at it. It’s not a trip to Disneyland, but I am learning a lot. And I get so excited about the learning that happens in the every day working it all out. The practicing, practicing, seeing things happen, feeling like it never will, living it out kind of change. It can only be done in process, and even though it doesn’t all feel awesome, I’m so thankful for the process that is life.

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