Friday again. :) I’m so so sleepy today. All of the work it takes to get through a week has tired me out and left me dragging a little today. The little boy I nanny seems to be tired from the week too. He also seems a little more set on testing me a lot today. He decided this afternoon that it was funny when he tripped and slammed his head into the carpeted floor. Evidently it didn’t hurt much because he started laughing and trying to recreate the experience for the next hour. I’m not kidding. I got books he likes out, I took him outside for almost 30 minutes (even though it’s absolutely freezing outside!!), I started talking about his ball and pointing it out, I even tried “no, stop that right now you’re going to hurt yourself”. (And let me tell you, this kid is a listener, he is very consistent in his ability to respond to the word “no” and move on in a different direction.) Nothing worked. I think if I wasn’t feeling so tired I probably would have gotten a video of this precious kid attempting to do something really dumb over and over again. But I could only sit dumbfounded and keep interfering before he actually bumped his head hard. I was shocked that he was focused on hitting his head on the floor again even after a long trip outside. It was one of the first things he attempted to do when we came back inside. Really, D? Really? Let it go, buddy. Let. it. go.
I do the same thing in my head some days. I run the same worrying thoughts through my head over and over and over. I emotionally run myself into the ground over and over by trying to wrap my mind around everything and try to feel like I’m in control. I forget to let. it. go.
I was reminded the other day that God doesn’t call me to worry or to think through worst case scenarios or to run myself into the ground in an effort to “get used to” the amount of negativity I might encounter in life. He actually says “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things” Philippians 4 verse 8.
It’s a little ridiculous to spend so much mental time forcing myself into a situation that drains me and hurts me. I like that God can use the funny antics of a 1 year old to remind me of the truth He is teaching me. It’s going to require more than a trip outside, a couple books, and some distractions to keep me from playing this hurtful game in my head though; it’s going to require a step of faith, a choice to trust that God really is faithful, loving, and powerful and that He really does want me to have a mind full of good thoughts.
So, friends, on the way home from work tonight I will be intentionally focusing on embracing surrender. To “let it go, Steph, let. it. go.”