Goodbye 2011, Hello 2012!

Last day of 2011. What a year it’s been for me. For Lindsey and me.

I’m sitting in a hotel in Santa Fe at the moment. We decided to have a new years adventure. Last night driving down here was so precious as I got to spend hours talking to Linds and listening to her thoughts. We reminisced about past adventures we’ve had, and I felt so thankful. We talked to an old and dear friend we haven’t gotten to talk to in a while who makes us both smile. I felt renewed. A renewal I desperately needed. Watching the sinking moon in the sky and the millions of stars stretching for miles helped me to remember my place and the great hope I have and the beauty I am so privileged to take in and wonder at in life. I thought about who I am and who I want to be, and it centered me in just the way I needed as I say goodbye to 2011 and hello to 2012.

2011 is a weird number, but it was a beautiful difficult tragic wonderful year filled with hardship and wonder and memorable adventures and new things. A year I will never forget or gloss over. The year God brought me closer to living authentically me. The year I opened my heart to the world, my world, and embraced authenticity in a deeper way by being open about my orientation and relationship with Lindsey. The year I watched God bless us in ways I never could have imagined. A year filled with rejection and misunderstanding and judgment. Hardship that sometimes felt like it would swallow me whole. And pain, heart pain, the pain of being rejected, of being misunderstood, of being judged, of being stereotyped and turned on by people I dearly love and wish to be close to. A year marked with story after story of support and peace and help and strength and hope in the midst of the hardship. A year so marked with God sending us love and support and hope that it sticks out strongly in my mind more than the difficult. A year when I feared and suffered under the pain of withdrawal, but a year when God never withdrew, never abandoned me, and pressed His love over me and deep into my heart. The year I asked Lindsey to marry me, and she said yes. The year I started school again in an attempt to end school for good. :) The year I made new friends, remembered a lot of things about myself, worked hard with Lindsey at focusing our time and energy and making our life as healthy as we possibly can, cried and hurt, and came out on the other side remembering the hope we have and the good things surrounding me.

An epic year.

A year full of stories worth telling.

2012 will be the same way with new stories and new adventures and new hurts and hardships and new triumph and new strength and support and new hope and new peace and new mercies to sustain me and remind me of the truth. Love will remain. Hope will hold my heart as I walk into this new year.

So here I am, Abba. Butterflies in my stomach as I think about the excitement of unending possibilities in this new year. Joy and gratitude as I think about walking into another year with Lindsey and anticipate the wonderful things You have for us. I lay my heart before you as I consider this old year and look forward to the new one. You are everything to me, and I pray that the treasure our relationship is will only grow in vibrancy this coming year. Bless this coming year with Your love, pour it over us no matter what this new year holds, so that when I come to reflect on 2012 I will reflect most of all deep in my heart on Your unending love and how much it has caught me and held me and caused me to wonder the whole year long. In Jesus Name

Amen

Happy New Year everybody. Happy old year. Happy change. Happy memories. Happy hope for the future. Happy adventures and stories worth telling. May you consider the past with depth and perspective today, and may you find a thrill in your heart when you think of the celebration of tomorrow!

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