Understanding

I read a definition of the word “understanding” on Google today that said “perceive the significance of something.” In other words…become aware of the importance of a detail, a story, a feeling…

Understand.

Yesterday, through some hard work and tears on my part and my sweet fiance’s, I came to the realization that I’m not the most-skilled person when it comes to understanding. Perhaps this is because I’m a pretty caring-good-at-listening-and-helping kind of person (the kind of person who’s been told too many times that he or she should be a counselor…), but I’m also a pretty anxious-needs-to-constantly-have-a-handle-on-what’s-going-on kind of person. Somehow these two parts of my personality combine to make me a overly intuitive caretaker who tends to keep everything at a certain distance in order to maintain control.

Can you picture it yet? ;)

So not quality living, people.

But yesterday, God really opened the eyes of my heart to be able to see this issue for what it is in me: Fear, and its abundance in my life, has produced a lack of understanding in me. I mean, if you think about it, fear has a way of turning a helping hand into a controlling one; of turning the act of listening into an act that is only performed by the ear and the brain, not by the heart; of turning a sensitive, intuitive spirit into a hyper-vigilant, overwhelmed spirit.

True understanding cannot exist in those fearful places.

True understanding happens in the heart.

Fear shuts down the heart.

In Prov 2:2 it says “Make your ear attentive to wisdom, Incline your heart to understanding.” And, if fear shuts down the heart, then no wonder I have problems with true understanding! Where there is fear in me, there will be no true understanding. When I consistently embrace fear over true understanding, I am unable to truly see and know those around me, to truly love them the way the need to be loved, to truly trust those who are trustworthy and protect myself from those who are not.

Without true understanding, I am unable to live and love in the way that my heart truly desires, the I was truly made to live.

The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper. Prov 19:8.

Prosper sounds good.

Especially because fear just makes me feel more and more like a shriveled shell of a human being.

I want to prosper.

Wisdom is supreme. Get wisdom. Yes, though it costs all your possessions, get understanding. Prov. 4:7

Sounds like quality over quantity to me.

Lord, give me more understanding! I want it. I want it badly.

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